wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart . . .
I had no idea that I was keeping myself from recovery (salvation) by keeping such an overly formal, “arms-length” attitude toward the Lord. Because of my own prideful judgement of myself, I avoided coming to Him directly, personally, one-on-one. Instead, I relied entirely upon other people’s testimonies of Him. As a result, I didn’t “know” Him; I only knew of Him.
As I descended into the terrible darkness of the truth about my “condition”–that I didn’t just have a slight bad habit, but a full blown addiction–I finally saw myself as I really was in mortality–lost without the Savior’s friendship. At that point, I became willing to cry unto the Lord, pouring out without measure or hesitation my heart’s deepest need and desire–to know Him for myself. Before that prayer was over, I experienced the presence of the Lord, even as I had read others describe. I had not seen anything–at least not with my physical eyes–or heard anything with my physical ears. But, I knew–I really knew–for the first time, that God lives. I had experienced His living presence. I had perceived His loving words whisper into my mind and cause my body and spirit to respond. I knew I had been visited by the Lord, and that He had done for me what I could not do on my own. He had softened my heart and strengthened my desire to recover. Nothing could ever again be a sufficient substitute for having this degree of consciousness of His living reality and His specific, direct love for me.
Prayerful thought: Lord, for so long I was so afraid to really cry out to Thee, really pour out my soul to Thee. I don’t know why, except that I was deceived by the Liar. I pray I will never, ever forget the sweetness of conscious contact with Thee.
© 2011 Colleen C. Harrison
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